Fate

Well, well, well. Life is weird, innit?

I was getting ready to write a post last night about how I have pretty much given Nik the green light to look for work in Canada. I was going to tell D about it today. We have made a comprehensive project flowchart and have started on the first few steps that need to happen before I could send Nik full force back into the Canadian workforce…which I predicted would happen in about March.

Then, I didn’t get a post written last night because my scanner stopped working and I went all out tech geek trying (unsuccessfully) to get it to work until I was too tired to write. And this morning, Nik asked me to please take the kids to school because he was tired so he took D duty. So telling D didn’t happen either.

And then today, Nik got offered a job….sort of.

It is a state job in a field that he would like to work in. It has good salary and benefits. But! The state is on a hiring freeze right now. So they are proposing to hire him part-time on contract through a subsidy program for people with disabilities. Basically, the STATE will be paying his salary through this program because the STATE can’t hire anyone right now. The idea would be, when the hiring freeze is over, he would just slide into the “real” job. So he would get paid an hourly wage that would be the same-ish rate he would get on salary, but no benefits. There are not a lot of hours now, but he could get to 20 within the month and maybe 40 within the next six months. There are RUMORS that the hiring freeze (which affects all state agencies right now) will end in March, or maybe June. Or we just don’t know. If he would get the “real” job, the benefits are pretty good.

So, of course he is going to take it. But life is giving me whiplash lately. We will basically be operating on two parellel timelines right now. One is the immigration timeline and the other is the staying here if this job becomes permanent. Interestingly, because of some beaurocratic issues, we would not have been able to really turn in our immigration paperwork until at the earliest March and the latest probably June. So weird coincidence that the rumor mill has the hiring freeze lifting at those times as well.

I don’t trust the state too terribly much. So I have very mixed feelings. There is no guarantee that this will ever turn into anything. And Nik will barely be able to feel secure enough in this lovely Country of ours with health benefits, of which now he still has none. If a bunch of funny stuff happens, and this job doesn’t materialize, we need to set a hard deadline to give up on it. We cannot apply for immigration without a lease and a job offer from Canada, not to mention that it is very costly to apply so you really need to be serious. (roughly $3000 once it is said and done.)

I have developed a new attitude about moving since September. First of all, I realize that I cannot replace what is here in PDX. I think I was trying too hard to create a replica of everything in Canada and it is just not possible. So, I have been looking at it as a new adventure and have started to get really excited about going and opening the new doors that will appear once these close.

On the other hand, even though I know that my relationship with D needs to change no matter what, I have some obligation to the kids to try to remain close if it is at all possible.  The changing that I need to do does not necessitate a new city. Sometimes a change of venue kick starts the revolutions you need to make in your life, but I can do everything that needs to be done here as well.

Besides their relationship with D, the one other thing I was really sad to leave was their school. It is unique and irreplaceable. I don’t even know if the homeschooling climate in Canada would support such a school. Of course, there are other ways to homeschool and we would have been fine there and found new and exciting things to do and learn, but their school is one of a kind and it means a lot to us. I don’t know how much I have written about it, probably some, right? But I’ll give a brief description.

A group of homeschooling parents in the early 2000′s were sick and tired of driving their kids all over for social events and swimming and classes, etc. So they decided to make a place where all the good things about community would combine with all the good things about homeschooling and would combine with all the good things about school. It is basically a community college campus of classes and activities. Kids choose what classes and activities they want to be involved in. You can go for an hour a week or spend five days a week there. There are classes in every subject taught by mostly volunteers (who get a small stipend) to teach in areas they are passionate about. There are field trips organized with group rates and special behind the scenes stuff of all kinds. There are activities such as choir, plays, debate, lego robotics, etc. There are competitions like spelling bee and Destination Imagination. There are clubs like 4H and Scouts. They also arrange classes sometimes through places like science museums or local businesses and colleges. They get group rates for online classes like Rosetta Stone. There are no age restrictions (or very loose ones. You obviously aren’t going to put a 3 year old in physics or a 16 year old in Toddler Sing and Play). Parents are welcome and participate in classes and are largely the staff of the school as you barter for class tuition by doing “Community Duty” such as assisting teachers, doing bookkeeping, cleaning toilets, organizing fundraisers, etc. The halls and classrooms are packed with babies up to adults. There are even some classes that kids can take with adults like Yoga or current events. There is stuff for adults like Homeschool support groups. There are no grades in the lower grades and then in the upper grades kids can choose an optional grading assessment. It is basically a free, democratic school where kids and families choose what they want to be involved in. Its all available, but none mandatory.

And I do have to say that I have only been able to send my kids there the last 2 years because of their very generous financial aid package that they have awarded me for the past two years. I am still required to do community duty, but they make it easy, respectful and private to apply and receive financial aid. I hate fundraising, but they make me WANT to fund raise for them. I have gone to businesses and solicited auction items, donated curriculum for sales, and even spread the word through annoying forwarded emails to get donations for this school. (If you know me, you would know that I loathe these things, but I feel I have a duty to because of my financial aid, and also…I just BELIEVE in this school.) What it gives my kids is a community to call home. After all the fits and starts we have had with the church, here is a place where my kids are known and cared for. They see the same kids each week and can develop friendships, they interact with adults who can teach them different things that I can’t and who care about them. They also interact with babies and teenagers and kids of all ages, so unlike public school, there is no artificial hierarchy.

That is a bit of a tangent, but besides D, that is the only other thing I felt was really going to be irreplaceable and not duplicable. There is a great bunch of homeschooling families in Vancouver who do a lot of different activities together, but I-as a person who doesn’t drive and who struggles with communication–would have to WORK IT. It would be a lot of work.

There are still long-term advantages to Canada for all of us, I mean, school isn’t forever and I have to look at the bigger picture.  On the other hand, Nik would likely be stuck in some call center for a while, maybe working his way up to manager in Canada. Now, he might be able to do something he really feels he could contribute at.  So, you see where this is just a total back and forth.  But I find myself in a position for once of having two GOOD paths that my life can go.

Probably, fate will decide this one. If the job is good and goes well and becomes real and looks steady…we will probably stay. If it falls through, we will go. My main goal in all of this is to manage to balance short- and long-term stability for all of us. I’m hoping that the pieces will fall where they may in the next few months and the choice will be made clear. And if life is not that nice and neat (which it never is) I’ll have enough wisdom to find the right path and the right time to step onto it.

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