37 Weeks…And I’m STILL Pregnant!

November 27, 2009 at 2:31 am (Uncategorized)

I went through this whole pg with no maternity clothes and only wear pants when going to the doctor. So my wardrobe is...unique.

Quick update because I’m on serious bedrest now. The kind where the 20 feet to the bathroom is a big adventure in managing pain and stability. But here I am, still pg and SO uncomfortable. I know this is good…getting us this far. This kid better come out being able to walk and feed himself–I’ve managed to keep him in so long while pre-eclampsic and on bed rest. Hell, he needs to come out a college graduate and support me because I think I may be permanantly disabled after this. Last U/S, which was Tuesday…he weighed in at 8 lbs. 12 oz.!!! The 90th percentile. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? After five pounders in the 3rd percentile? What to do with such a big baby? It took Little N 4 months to reach that weight.

We bought a 9 lb. turkey for Thanksgiving and I insisted that D and N know how much carrying around that heavy thing isn’t even close to also carrying around a placenta, amniotic fluid, engorged breasts, and 18 tons of edema with nothing more than over stretched and strained abdominals and round ligaments. And lets not even talk about the fact that this kid has dropped, is in position and is bearing all his weight and his big skull on my PC muscles, bladder and vag.

So, the D and the N are driving me nuts, though I’m, of course, thankful for them and all of their help. I think it isn’t them personally that is driving me nuts, just that I can’t do anything and I have to watch them fumble around doing it. I brought N out early because I was in such bad shape and risk for early delivery about a month ago that I didn’t want him to miss the birth. But ironically, because he came early and has done so much of everything around here, I think that is probably the sole reason I’ve been able to hang on this long.

Little N is thankful for: Kisses, Superpowers, and Oregon Trail game on the iPod.

Little A is thankful for: Valentines day candy (I think he meant Halloween candy), books, Olivia, and pumpkin pie.

8 Comments

36

November 17, 2009 at 3:58 am (Uncategorized)

Bed rest makes me not type so well, or stay awake so well, so this is a quick update for those of you who asked:

  • I’m 36 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. This is the most pregnant I’ve ever been.
  • During the two weeks that I was alone and Kim was gone, my b/p got really high as did my ocular pressure (eye stuff). My creatinine (kidney stuff) also got very high. It was a bit of “do we need to get the baby out now?” for a few days.
  • Big N came on the 8th, and I went into almost full bedrest mode the next day. Kim unfortunately, was gone another week with sick kids with the H1N1 virus. So everything got laid on N. He caught up on housework, laundry, did 90% of the kid care, took the kids to preschool and for walks, went with D and kids to get their flu vax, went to the doctor and to the boob clinic with me (lactation specialists), cooked meals, etc.
  • Since he came, I have lowered my b/p by 30-40 pts. My ocular pressure lowered to a high normal, and my kidney function went from “near dialysis” to “watching it closely.” He literally bought me and the kid at least two more weeks. And Kim is coming back tomorrow to give him a break. (D and I are going to the doctor.)
  • I do three drs. appts. a week. I’ve traded off having D take me and N and I going with Medicaid provided transportation. Its the only time I get out and it is really tiring. Each appt. is a b/p check, fetal monitor or ultrasound check, creatinine check and then they either send me home or say, “We are delivering tomorrow!” So far, I’ve only been sent home. I know that they aren’t letting me go one day past 38 weeks, though. So I’m looking at probably the week of Nov. 30 if all goes well.
  • I sleep 16 hours a day. It’s very boring. Everything hurts and I have contractions around every 2-3 hours. I’m generally miserable.
  • To which my dad says, “Bet you wish you had an abortion now!”
  • To which I say, “Shut the Fuck Up, dad.” You gotta love all that family compassion and tact.
  • I’ve gained 23 lbs. so far with this pg. I gained almost 55 with the twins. I guess that math works. I’ll be happy to lose it, though. This kid is heavy.
  • I do look forward to meeting this kid and being on the other side of recovery. That said, you could not pay me enough to ever get me pregnant again. I hate being pregnant with the fire of a thousand suns. Someone needs to figure out how to grow fetuses in a jar, okay? A JAR that YOU PUT ON THE MANTLE for nine months, I tell you. This is archaic.
  • That is all for now. My Ischiam bones are killing me in this chair and my stomach skin is about to burst alien style from the gravity of sitting here. I must go back to my horizontal mode of stasis. I am reduced to nothing but an incubator.
  • Two more weeks and I QUIT!!!!

11 Comments

The Children’s Storefront…A Special Memory of Canada.

November 3, 2009 at 12:59 am (Blog World, Current Events, General Parenting, Little A, Little N, Pictures, Project 49)

Children's storefront

Outside of Children's Storefront on Bathurst.

When I spent three weeks in Toronto in Spring, despite my being busy with that whole, oh, conceiving a child while on birth control thing, one of my biggest challenges was to keep the kids and I busy during the many days that Big N was at work. I was in a new town and only had myself and public transportation at my disposal, and I have to say, we did very well finding fun things to do.

A reader of this blog (and I’m sorry, I can’t figure out how to look up who) suggested that I take the kids to someplace called “The Children’s Storefront,” that was just a few subway stops and about a ten minute walk from N’s house. This was one of the first places I ventured off to with the kids on the subway by ourselves. I was nervous because even though I looked it up on the internet, I didn’t quite get what this place was. It was a government-funded early childhood center funded by the Ministry of Children and Youth Services. It said it provided resources and information to families with children under six. Okay. So I’m thinking of this in an Americanized way, and I think that it is some kind of place for low-income, high-risk families where you have to apply for services and go through a bunch of bureaucratic hoops and then you get some kind of counselor that tells you what other services you qualify for while doing little developmental assessments on your kids. (Kind of like the Healthy Start program I was used to.)

But I read this article and decided to give it a go and just show up and see what is there,  not knowing whether I, as essentially a tourist from the States would even be allowed in the building. When I entered the building, which was a large multi-level playroom with a kitchen in the back with fresh coffee smells and a crockpot full of soup, I held the kids hands tightly and would not let them go running off into the fun. I awkwardly explained to the woman who seemed to work there that I was from the states visiting my fiancé and was just looking for places for the kids to go to keep us occupied that were low-cost. She invited all of us in and said we could come there any time for free, make ourselves at home, did I want some coffee or soup?

I was all, “Free? Really? You know I am not a resident of Toronto? Are you just being extra nice to me?” I was sort of dumbfounded by this whole notion. But she reassured me that the Children’s Storefront was for everyone with small children, it didn’t matter where you came from or how much money you had or what you needed…an hour of playtime or intense services for mom’s in crisis, they would try to help you out. I filled out no paperwork, gave no address or information about myself (officially, I did tell her our names, but that was it.) Not even a donation box was to be found. She went over some simple rules of play and introduced me to some other mothers. The kids ran off and did their thing while I horrified the moms with my stories of U.S. health insurance premiums and lack of health care, and they told me of different resources available in the Toronto area for moms and kids. I was loaded up with suggestions of other places to take my kids for free or low-cost, and she helped me navigate a better transit route back home.  On a subsequent visit, when Little A had a potty accident after we’d been there just five minutes and I thought we would have to go home because I stupidly forgot to bring extra clothing for him, she pulled out a huge garbage bag of clothes and let us dig in, sending us home in them and told us not to worry about returning them since we were leaving the area soon. (A still has these beloved Halloween socks from there. He was so happy to wear them on Halloween and remembered where they came from.)

It was just the coolest vibe ever. So Canadian. I even thought that if I was able to get permanent residency in Canada and get out from under the health insurance hell-hole I’m currently in and go back to work full-time, I’d totally love to work in a place like this or start something of my own like it. At the very least, I knew that when I got back to Toronto (sooner or later…) I already had some connections to build on and would not be so alone in a new city. I was so looking forward to going back there again.

I was very sad to learn that over the weekend there was a fire and the place burnt down. Everything was lost and the building is totaled. It was such a neat old building, too. So colorful. And a neighborhood landmark that had been hosting families for a couple of generations. Parents were there who had spent time there as children, and now it’s gone.

Luckily, it seems that the storefront touched others as much as it did me, and it is not a building but a community. There are already efforts to find a new location and rebuild underway.  There is a Facebook page called “The Children’s Storefront Needs a New Home” where organizing efforts are taking place, and a fund for donations set up:

Our Charitable Donation account is up and running at TD Canada Trust. The Transit # is 13602 and the Account # is 5206664. (The Children’s Storefront.com)

I know that this cause is far removed from most of my readers, but I thought the least I could do is make a small donation myself and to spread the word to anyone else that is interested.

Here are some pictures of my guys at the Children’s Storefront last Spring:

Little N goes straight for the trains. The staff person who was so helpful looks on.

Little N beelined to the trains. The staff member who was so helpful looks on.

More trains.

A and N discover that Toronto has toys, too.

Aaron Flying Airplanes, you can see a comfy kitchen area in the back.

I don't know if you can see, but there is a comfy kitchen in the back.

Children's Storefront4

New friends.

Children's Storefront5

Colorful and Cheery with lots of artwork and wall murals, I hope they can replace this atmosphere.

6 Comments

Good News About M2!

November 1, 2009 at 2:24 am (Guide Dogs)

I got some news today about what became of my guide dog I had to give up, M2. It is kind of surprising how much this news made me happy and sort of helped me put closure on the whole guide dog debacle of ‘o9. I had been trying to keep tabs on her progress, but there are confidentiality rules so I was only able to get limited information about her from the school. I had heard she went back into guide dog training and was doing well, and then I didn’t hear much else.

Well, today I got an email from the woman who raised her. I met her at my graduation and we exchanged emails, so she and I are not bound to confidentiality rules. Well, she let me know that M2 has been retired as a guide dog and that she was taking her back to live with them permanantly.

I would have been happy for M2 if she had been a guide dog for someone else, but this was actually my best case scenario for her. She doesn’t have to transition yet again to another setting, she will go back to those she is familiar with. She obviously had a strong bond with them when we met at graduation. They have 5 acres and other dogs, cats and horses which is about a dream come true for a dog like M2. And no little kids around to give her anxiety. Also, she is only about an hour and a half away, so I could actually take the kids and visit if I want to (she invited us.) I think it would be very good for the kids to see that she is okay and happy.

From what I gathered, she did fine in guide dog training, which did not surprise me. But then they had her stay with a foster family and work on her in-home behaviors and that is where things failed (also doesn’t surprise me) so she was retired (or “career changed” they call it. Tee Hee). I have to admit feeling a little vindicated about this. But moreover, I feel like M2 knew some guide dog things, but was not meant to be a guide dog and she will be much happier with this arrangement.

Interestingly, her puppy raiser said that she was surprised that M2 was matched with someone with young children as young children weren’t her thing and caused her a lot of anxiety. So, I think in the end, it was just a bad match most of all. Tonight is her first night home with her new/old family, and I hear she is happy and its like she never left.

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else, but this whole guide dog experience has been quite an emotional trauma for me. I felt sad and guilty and somewhat unsure of my decisions and my abilities and it was just a confidence shaker and, of course, very disappointing. I worried about the stress and trauma I was putting M2 through as well. Finally, this news makes me feel at least a little bit better about the whole thing. Like I did the right thing and like she is in the right place now and she will be okay and happy and have a good life. And it makes me feel a bit better about getting another dog sometime in the future. Like with the right circumstances and match, I will find another guide dog that will be as great as experience as my first one.

Sorry to be all going on and on about my continuing dog woes, but this was just something that made my day today and sort of puts some closure on my life with M2.

3 Comments

33

October 30, 2009 at 6:21 pm (Pregnancy, Uncategorized)

When I was pregnant with the twins, everything went to hell at 33 weeks. And then getting from 33 to 35 weeks was a day by day, minute by minute thing. So, it was a milestone to come up to 33 weeks this week and hope to get past it unscathed. I had hoped that I could carry just one baby all the way to term and avoid all the preterm stuff I dealt with before.

But I felt things going South over the last two weeks. At first I thought it was because Kim, my babysitter was gone and I was just feeling the extra work without her here. But then I woke up one night and called Big N and said, “I think you need to get here sooner.” He was planning on coming out November 24 for a Dec. 7ish birth. I told him I didn’t think I was going to make it. After a whirlwind of paperwork and flight changes, he is now coming here next Sunday.

People who are always healthy don’t seem to understand the feeling of when you are teetering on the edge and you calculate your every move, is this going to be too much? Can I get this one more thing done? Will this make me feel better or put me in the hospital? How wimpy am I being or how crazy am I being trying to do too much? It is frustrating because the kids are looking forward to Halloween, preschool, Sunday school, other stuff that I thought we could do and has been increasingly difficult. Sometimes I know a day of taking them to preschool is going to ruin me for the next 24 hours, leaving me barely able to walk to the bathroom, feeling out of breath and listening to the pump of my heartbeat as my blood pressure rises. But to stay in bed all day makes me feel shitty, too. Laundry piles up, the kids trash the house without my supervision, meals become PB&J and frozen pizza. And what about haircuts? Christmas presents? Applying for WIC in case I can’t breastfeed? etc. It all weighs on your mind when you are alone all day with two kids under what basically amounts to house arrest.

So, I went to the doctor today and as I suspected, things are turning south with this pregnancy. It’s not eminent danger territory yet, so I have almost officially made it past the 33 week marker (or will on Monday.) But my B/P has risen 20-30 points systolic, my protein in my urine and creatinine are up. I’m not in terrible danger, it just means that I just fulfilled my role of being a high-risk patient for the perinatologist and I no longer bore him. He now wants to see me two times a week and has brought my nephrologist in.

It also means that I’m in the balancing game that I was in with the twins, the race to give this baby more time while not going so far as to endanger myself. I will not make it to my due date, December 14 or even my goal date of  Dec. 7th. The doctor said to expect a November baby. Whether it is early or late November is still going to be a day-by-day thing. Basically, when he gets too uncomfortable with my B/P and kidney stats, he is going to call it quits and do a C-section. Now my goal is 36 weeks. One more week than I had with the twins.

The good news is that the baby is HUGE. Estimated to be about 5 and a half pounds, which is more than Little A and N weighed at birth. The baby is doing well and will likely do fine even this early. Still, a few weeks can make a big difference. So I’ll try to bed rest some more (I’m only one more week with no help and then I can probably do  bed rest the majority of the time.) And keep this kid in a little longer without anyone losing life or limb.

Also, good news is that I was able to get my H1N1 vaccine today. So I no longer have to walk around being in the highest risk group (third trimester pregnant women) and worrying about that.

That’s where things lie today. And as the famous and now MIA blogger GetUpGrrl used to say, “Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet.”

Day at a time. Day at a time…

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